dare I?

Dare I write about a book I am reading? It's thought-provoking, it's spiritually challenging, it's emotionally impacting, and I cannot read it without a pen in hand.

But some of you may not share my opinion, thus sparking debate. Sometimes I like debate. But this is something that's really connecting with me right now ... and do I want to hear all of the brilliantly worded opinions and intellectual responses? I haven't decided yet.

So I will post my thoughts. We'll see what happens.

The book is "Come Be My Light" - an unexpected Christmas present. It is by Mother Teresa, in that it is mainly her letters and writings to her spiritual directors (i.e. those who functioned as her priests or pastors while she was ministering in Calcutta).

I thought it would be about her work. It is not. It is about her relationship with God, which was deeply personal, private and precious to her. She had a love for Jesus that I have rarely heard articulated with so much passion and feeling. And yet ... she spent years, unable to feel the presence of God, even for a moment. Years, praying prayers that seemed to go nowhere. Years, telling others about the love of God, while unable to find it herself. Years wondering if she had been rejected by God, even while she introduced others to Him. Years of spiritual suffering, all the while holding absolutely, unshakeably to her faith.

Some have apparently said that this book is terrible, because it shows that she didn't know God at all. I could not disagree more strongly. It is an incredible picture of a woman who started with all the feelings and comfort of the presence of God, and who was called to a tremendous work to the poorest of the poor. And then it is an incredible picture of a woman who lost her sense of the presence of God, and yet never questioned His existence, or His call on her life. That might just be the strongest picture of faith I have ever seen.

In my evangelical, pentecostal, charismatic, whatever-label-you-like tradition - there really isn't much room for a story like hers. We don't like suffering. We like "abundant life" and "joy unspeakable" and that kind of thing. I am grateful for that.

But Mother Teresa came to understand that God was allowing her to identify with those to whom she was ministering - those whose entire lives were loveless, joyless, hopeless, full of rejection. And that by identifying with them, she could help them connect with God.

I think her Catholic tradition allowed room for suffering, and soul-darkness, and faith-without-feelings. Her spiritual directors could not always help her, but they could remind her of the mystics of the past who had written of experiences like these.

And amazingly, she did not doubt. She believed, and she smiled through her grief, always. She had given her life to Jesus, and He was entirely free to do what He liked with it.

I am humbled by her story.

"The Mystery of the Missing Straightener"

If you're just joining us ... my straightener had gone missing. "Gone, gone I tell you, to the place of lost socks and the 80's." Spike and I had turned the house inside out, searching for what couldn't be found.

We left you with crazy questions -

• Did Millhouse drag it into his dark lair of evil (and then, presumably, throw up a hairball on it?)
• Did someone break in to our house while we were sleeping, avoid being attacked by Millhouse, sneak quietly into the bathroom, and steal ONLY the straightener? What kind of person would DO that??
• Was it right in front of our eyes, joyfully blending in with the hairdryer that was clearly visible?

And now...the rest of the story.

I called my sister on Sunday morning, and asked her to bring her straightener to church (she was coming early too). So, mrv, if you saw a straightener, it was hers not mine. Incidentally, hers is also a curling iron, thus becoming super heated on both the inside AND the outside. I burned the back of my neck pretty good in my office, just before church.

Monday, I made a list of things to do, errands to run, groceries and things to buy. On the list was "straightener" because clearly it was gone, and I wouldn't find it until I replaced it.

But just before leaving, on a hunch, I went back into the bathroom and opened the drawer. Then I got down on my knees, wedging my head between the drawer and toilet. From this delightful position, I discovered that the straightener had leapt from the drawer, into the six or eight-inch gap that apparently exists between the back of the drawer and the back of the vanity. Meaning, it was no longer in the drawer, but neither did it impede the closing of the drawer in any way.

So, the Mystery has been solved, and it would appear that Millhouse had nothing to do with it.

However, if I ever have any valuables, I now know where to stash them!

gone

Sunday mornings are intense at our house. After all, it's my biggest (only? LOL) workday of the week. I usually get up good and early, to go over everything in my head, be organized, be ready, before we walk out the door.


This morning I slept in, just a tiny bit. Figured it was OK, I still had time. Got up at 6:30 AM. Made coffee, put some make up on, got dressed. Opened a drawer to pull out my straightener. (That's a hair appliance, for those of you who are follicle-y challenged.) Stared into the drawer for awhile. Took another sip of coffee, blinked, stared into the drawer again.

There's no straightener. It's gone! Where is it?

I close the drawer and stand looking in the mirror, carefully checking to see if I'm already holding it in my hand. Nope. Is it on the counter in front of me? Nope. I open the drawer again and stare for a long time. It's not there. It's gone.

My friends - I went through every cupboard and drawer and shelf in the entire house. Jeff looked with me. I just used it yesterday afternoon! It is gone. Gone, I tell you, to the place where random socks and the 80's live.

Then I went to get a bowl of cereal. Bowl, spoon, milk ... where's the cereal??

"Jeff...are we out of cereal?"

"Yup - it's gone," he says.

(Sucking my lips in, trying to stay calm and holy-like, but this morning is not going well.)

We finished getting reading, and I went to grab my church keys.

Gone.

! ! ! ! ! ! !

I prayed (loudly and with irritation, I confess). God stayed quiet (it was probably for the best) but Jeff pointed out that they were hanging on the hook, exactly where I thought they weren't. Good man, he is. That's why I married him.

Stopped for a bagel on the way at a usually reliable place; tried to sink my teeth into it, which was a mistake. Clearly a day-old or more. Ahhh well.

Good thing God doesn't need me to be calm, cool and collected each Sunday. Everything went just fine this morning anyway.

But I just want to know - has anyone seen my straightener?

"How to Journal", by a Running Pastor

(because sheepdog asked)

1. Get the right pen. Not heavy, fat or blobby. Not one that smears under my southpaw. Not one that is supposed to have a lid, but missing that lid. It doesn't feel right.

2. Get the right notebook. Consider that you have to look at it regularly. Does it make you feel creative, bored or annoyed? Is it easy to write in, or does it snap shut every time you inhale?

3. Don't worry about what anyone else may read. It's their problem if they do. Truthfully, they probably won't, because it's only interesting to you anyway. :)

4. Write what you want, when you want. And if you don't write for weeks or months, that's OK. Come back to it when you feel like it. Life has enough "should's" - don't add journalling to the list!

My journals are mostly spiritual in nature. Many written prayers ... sometimes I copy out something from a book I'm reading, or from the Bible, just because it caught my attention ... sometimes it's thoughts about what is happening in my life, and what I think about it.

Sometimes I start a page with "Yesterday..." and keep going. I got that idea from someone who said it helps you not to have an "unexamined life".

If I'm not writing much, it's usually because so much is happening, I don't have time to write it down, and/or I'm not ready to put it into words. I do try to catch up, if I want to remember it for later.

And I do go back to my journals sometimes. It's really encouraging. I see all the things I've survived ... what I'm NOT praying anymore, because it got answered ... encouragements and stuff I've learned.

i might be weird...

I was just reading the lastest from The Friendly Driver and the annoyances of his job. I commented, and decided to turn my comment into a post over here. (Thanks for the inspiration, dougie g!)

What do you do mentally when you're coping with something stressful?

I think I might be weird. Here's what I do, and I've done it for as long as I can remember. I imagine the situation written as a story in a book.

Is that weird? Probably. (Not that I'm going to change this behaviour - it seems to work for me.)

Right in the middle of all kinds of craziness, my brain tidies it all up and writes it as a very interesting, exciting, suspenseful story. My amateur analysis of this says it probably helps me realize that this situation is just one situation, not all of life; and it probably helps me behave myself, since theoretically I am the main character in the story. Do I want to be the hero or the villain? Definitely the hero! It's probably also a result of reading scads of books throughout childhood and onward. I think in terms of storytelling.

I think the first time I actually realized I do this was just after we got married. Our first year was a year of unexpected crises, and I remember thinking, "OK, if someone writes an article on how we coped with this, what would I like it to say?" It helped me stay sane. ("sane" being open to definition, of course!)

I think it's pretty healthy behaviour, if I do say so myself.

mean mom

I just heard about this story ... you've probably all heard about it too, but if not, click here.

And enjoy!

youtube Philippines

Seven people from Crossfire went to the Philippines a month or two ago. They went to help where it was needed ... with kids ... with poverty ... in local church-based ministries. They brought back over 800 pictures (wow).

This video was posted recently by the group that hosted them in the Philippines - if you look closely, you can see a few shots with Crossfire people!

my two cents

As I have probably mentioned before now, I am on the email subscription list for City Hall updates from CATCH. I was disappointed to read in the most recent update that the possible position of Integrity Commissioner had been deemed "unaffordable" and thus off the table for this year's budget.

I thought this was worth putting in my two cents. So I emailed the Mayor, and two City Councillors - one for the Ward I live in, and one for the Ward I work in. I thanked them for all they do, said I understand budgets ... but this was a very disappointing cut, and I hope they will make it a priority sooner rather than later.

They've all emailed me back. Apparently it's not a done deal, and two of the three especially are quite committed to putting it through.

I'm glad. I think an Integrity Commissioner would be a very positive thing. And I am impressed when elected officials respond to their constituents.

Score one for City Hall!

blog surfing

Do you read other blogs? I mean, of people you don't know.

I do. I lurk in the shadows, rarely commenting, since they don't know me, and if I comment, they can track down MY blog. It's a little hypocritical, I know. But hey - maybe someone's doing that here too, and I don't mind lurkers.

:)

It's interesting, reading about real people and their regular (or irregular) lives.

One guy is struggling with the death of his mother a number of months ago. He's finding it very, very difficult to deal with. His last post says he finally decided to go to his priest to see if it would be helpful, because he's really losing his faith. That's tough.

One woman has a wonderfully happy family and home, except it's all been turned upside down recently, because condo developers are buying everything around their little house, and they either have to sell low, or be surrounded by condos. How's that for a shock?!

One guy works hard to make it in life, struggling with family, addictions, medications, etc. Some days are good, some days are bad.

And there's one blog where a guy turns wire into hilarious works of art. Cracks me up!

Most of these I found through the "Blogs of Note" list. But here's the kicker - apparently Blogger doesn't notify you when it gives your blog all that publicity. Just suddenly a thousand or more people show up on your blog, and as one writer put it - "it felt like a busload of strangers was in the bathroom with me, handing me novelty toilet paper and commenting on my technique."

Which is a very funny sentence!

I'm not sure how I would feel about a thousand visitors, all of a sudden.

But so far, it appears that there's no danger of that!