"All words are symbols that represent unspeakable realities. Which is also why words are magical." (Donald Miller tweet)

Friday, August 21, 2009

ready to tell

I think I'm ready.

I've been holding it in for a long time. I know you'll be shocked I've kept a secret from you, my bloggy buddies, but ... well, I just wasn't ready to share it. Don't be offended, OK? It wasn't personal.

I alluded to it briefly back in the spring, in a vague "pursuing secret goals" reference.

I decided last October, actually.

We had just finished renovating our new church building and moving in, and we were all exhausted. But I'm more of a create-and-reach-a-goal kind of person, and less of a maintain-what-has-been-done kind of person.

(Which explains why it's harder to want to run now, than it used to be. It's not new anymore. The only goals left to set are longer and/or faster, and I don't have time for that.)

So I talked to Spike and he wholeheartedly told me to go for it, and reminded me he's been telling me to go for it for quite awhile. Which is true.

But then I tried to start the process, and it was a frustrating process. So I called on an old friend that is now in a high place, and humbly asked for advice and help. And he took pity on me and gave me some pointers. Which made me excited all over again.

But it was STILL frustrating. So I stopped trying for a short time, out of spite. Then realized that was a stupid reason. (Can you hear the end-of-life conversation? "Why didn't you go for your dreams, Patti?" "Out of spite against a faceless institution. Guess I showed THEM!")

So I tried again, and this time it went a little better.

And then it got frustrating again. But I pushed on. And ranted sometimes. And waited for systems to work through their deadlines and their complicated scheduling and forms.

And then ... when I was "this close" ... the whole thing slammed down with seemingly no options. I was flabbergasted! That's when another friend came along, gently scolded me for not asking her for help earlier, agreed that the whole thing was incredibly annoying, and assured me that this was not the end.

And she was right.

And now I have not only an online confirmation, but also an actual piece of paper and an ID card.

So I'm ready to tell.



I'm going back to school!