"All words are symbols that represent unspeakable realities. Which is also why words are magical." (Donald Miller tweet)

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

kindness

“I’m not sure it’s correct to say that it’s more important to be kind than right but I can say that if you are not kind, you are not right.” Brian McLaren

Somewhere back near the beginning of this blog, I did a post that revolved around that quote. It stirred up quite a conversation, one which I am not eager to re-visit.

It's a thought that sticks with me, and which has again become prominent in my mind lately. I think there are very few statements that are universally true (as in non-debatably absolute, all the time, in any place), and this one is probably not one of them.

But it's still a powerful one.

When I focus on being right, it tends to be with an underlying assumption of someone else's wrong-ness. AND it furthers that assumption with the idea that probably I should correct that wrong-ness, with my right-ness.

When I focus on being right, it tends to be about drawing a line somewhere between me and someone else, with the idea that, "I will put up with a lot, but no more than this." Which is a stupid line to draw. Because I know as soon as I draw it, I'm on the look-out for someone to cross it. And they will. And then I must demonstrate that I am right.

When I focus entirely on being right, I become a person that I like less. Truthfully, my self-esteem is solidly in place most days, but there's nothing wrong with stepping back every now and then, and checking to see if the person I'm being is the person I meant to be.

And this week ... this month ... kindness keeps popping up in my head.

And so I agree with Brian McLaren, although I don't always (and in my experience, his kindness doesn't demand that I agree with him). I don't know if it's better to be kind than right - but kindness gets dumped at the side of the road far too often. And without it, I think it's awfully difficult to be right.