(This picture is NOT me.)
Went to the dentist today. Does anyone else shudder involuntarily at that thought?
Each time I go, I convince myself that I'm absolutely fine. And then the hygienist starts making small talk, and I wonder if she's just friendly...or...has she opened my file and noticed the red code "P" for "phobia" scrawled above my name?? (Perhaps someone who IS a hygienist or who KNOWS a hygienist could let us know if they have codes like that in people's files. Also - if they could tell me how to spell hygienist, because this does NOT look right.)
Anyway, I always think I'm faking it pretty well, and then I realize at some point that my hands which were folded across my front in a relaxed position have stiffened, so that fingers are randomly sticking straight out in all directions. And my toes are rigidly pointing directly up. And my heart is pounding and I'm holding my breath.
And then I tell myself to breath, and force muscles to relax, and the hygienist pretends not to notice that all the colour has drained out of my face, and she starts chatting again, and I say, "uh-huh".
Today was no different. The faking, the stiffening, the shallow breathing. The gentle "you really should floss more," followed by the surprised, "oh my, your teeth are quite close together, aren't they? flossing must be difficult! have you tried the satin floss? it's quite wonderful!" And I consider biting this person.
But there was an addition to today's appointment. I was sitting in the chair, pretending I was fine, wondering if any of you share my dental phobia. I was mentally acknowledging that someone had gone to a lot of work to make this dentist's office feel relaxed - the walls all curve, there are skylights in the ceiling, and there are no actual doors to close you in, just doorways that help you see into the calming blue hall. And...as I once again reminded myself to breathe...I noticed the easy rock music playing on the radio station, designed, I presume, to mentally transport me to another, happier place.
Except - and this is what was amusing - the song playing was, "Hotel California" - you know the lyrics, right? "You can check out anytime you like - but you can never leave." AAAHHHH!!!! Note to hygienists: if you ever hear that song playing as you work, please...change the station...it's not comforting!
But I didn't bite anyone, and I survived, and I'm thankful for teeth, after it's all said and 
done. How else could one eat a chocolate bar??
