*medical terms may not be accurate

Remember this moment of dignity and grace in my life? The colossal wipe-out, blew the knee out of my pants, twisted my ankle, on university campus, yada, yada, yada?

I iced my right ankle that night, elevated it. Wore a tensor wrap for a couple of days and it started to feel better, so I stopped.

And then, it wasn't feeling better anymore. And then shots of pain above my left knee signified that my right ankle was making me walk all twisty-like. And then little electric currents of warning through my neck suggested that I was about to move into that rare-but-never-forgotten moment of searing pain if you so much as turn your head a fraction of an inch.

So I went to my chiropractor last Thursday and showed him my owie. "Yes," he said calmly. "It's your tirbyelaratis* bone." He looked at me as if it was obvious. "It has to be always moving forward. Yours is flat."

"Because I wiped out?"

"Yes. You fell in this direction, didn't you?" He gestured. "So it's not ... it should be ...."

He sighed at my obvious oblivion as he pushed and pulled and moved it around. "Ok, you have your briatic* joint here on this side, and your crylondiar* joint on the other side. The tirbyelaratis* runs between them, and yours is ... well it has to be moving forward."

He worked some more, then looked to see if I understood.

I asked, "And it's not? Moving forward?"

"No," he said, and gave a mighty pull. I gasped slightly.

"Is it now? Moving forward?" I asked.

"Yup," he said.

"Is that why my knee and neck were freaking out last night too?" I asked.

"Of course," he said. "You'll be fine by the weekend. Oh! And I have a couple of jigsaw puzzles for you. Last time you were here, you said you like jigsaw puzzles but only if the scenes are interesting. These ones are interesting. They're  ... well ... they're definitely interesting. I left them at home, but I'll bring them in and you can have them."

And once again, this is why I love my chiropractor.

*medical terms may not be accurate, and in fact are entirely made up, since I have no idea what he said.

conditionally independent

This morning I saw my chiropractor again. "Good morning," he said. "Raise your right knee ... how have you been?" "Really busy," I answered, shifting to raise the other knee. "I have an exam next week."

"On your back," he said. "What are you taking?"

"Soshuved," I answered, and we chatted for a bit.

Then - "what's this, gardening?" he asked.

"What's what?"

A wave of the hand, encompassing my entire body - "... this ..." The tone of voice indicated that I was messed up in a number of places.

"Oh," I said. "Yes, gardening. And studying. Hunching over desks and laptops."

"Mmm-hmmm," he said.

"Oh, and I helped someone move."

"There it is," he said.

"Yep," I said. "I ran out of Advil, so I figured it was time to come and see you again."

We chatted a bit more, he fixed what ailed me, and I left, feeling much better. No mention of toes today.

--

The other day, Spike and I had a conversation where he commented that I'm one of the most independent women he knows. Don't worry - it was a compliment - he says his mom was like that too. It means he doesn't have to worry too much about me.

But ... I'm really starting to think that my secret might be my chiropractor. If he wasn't around ... well, eventually you might just find me curled up in a corner on the floor, buzzed on Advil, with a heated pillow on my neck. Not exactly the picture of an independent woman.

I'm not sure what to do with that thought. I'll just ponder it for awhile....

my chiropractor and me

It rained again today.

We won't discuss what the rain did to our basement ... again ... OK? OK. I don't want to talk about it. If I don't talk about it, I can pretend it didn't happen. In line with the deep wisdom of Scarlett O'Hara - "I can't think about that now. I'll go crazy if I do. I'll think about it tomorrow."

In other news, the rain meant that Spike's plans were cancelled.

Which meant that he stayed home.

Which meant that I had our spiffy little car (if it was clean and unscratched, it would look like this) available all to mine own self today.

Which meant that I could finally visit my chiropractor.

Do you know that, just now, when I searched "chiropractor" on this blog, it turns out I've mentioned him repeatedly? Enough, that I created a new label over there on the left. "My Chiropractor". You know, in case you want to really delve into this very specialized aspect of my bloggy blurbs.

Today we discussed toes. Which is weird, because toes have come up before with him. He politely commented on my toenail polish, which is approximately this colour.

"I see a lot of toes in here," he said. "But I've never seen that colour. I've seen denim colour. And it's not just the colour, either. Somehow it's got the lines in it, so it looks like denim. But I haven't seen this colour."

"It matches your shirt," I observed.

"Oh, so it does," he said.

Paused thoughtfully, then added, "I don't think it works with the tie, though."

He's got good fashion sense.

***

I also spent a few moments today with G.K. Chesterton, whom I love, as you well know. Thus, the new quote, also to the left, just above the labels.

bone-cracking conversation

I was chattin' with my chiropractor today, as he rearranged my back.

I was telling him about someone I know that I don't bother to argue with, because they are rather strong-minded.

"Mmm," he said. Then he paused. "Of course - so are you."

I paused.

"Yup," I said. "I am. But I choose my battles."

"On your back please," he said. I turned.

"You," he said thoughtfully, "have a very strong sense of self. You know who you are."

"Yup," I said. "I do."

"That can be a rare thing, especially in women," he said.

"Yup," I said. "It is."

Arms over the head, one more crack.

"You must have good genes," he said.

"Yup," I said. "I do."

And that was that. I may have a strong sense of who I am, with strong opinions, but I was fresh out of words to express what those opinions might be.

Fortunately, me and my chiropractor - we think the same, so he already knows anyway.

this close

I feel it coming. The cave-in. The reversal of previous statements.

Don't you just hate when you can feel your mind changing, and everyone is going to know that you have flip-flopped?

Fortunately, I have never claimed to have very many unchanging thoughts, so it's not TOO hard on my pride to admit ...

I'm "this close" to joining Facebook.

I'm not sure when the shift happened. Maybe it was while I was reading a really excellent tech & church magazine that listed Facebook as one of the things you just can't do without anymore.

I know that a friend from public school that I wrote letters to in high school and then lost track of, recently contacted me after finding Spike on Facebook. That was pretty cool. I had tried finding her a few years ago, but couldn't. That probably shifted the balance of my opinions.

Then a few days ago, I was talking to one of you who had been right there with me, in being against Facebook, last time I asked. Found out that person caved while I wasn't looking, so they're on there too.

But the knot in my back today is screaming at me to spend LESS time on the computer. My chiropractor will fix that tomorrow, though.

To cave or not to cave? That is today's question. I asked the same question quite some time ago - I wonder if any of you have changed your minds from your previous positions?

(Whoa! Weird coincidence I noticed after publishing this post - if you click on "the same question" in the paragraph above, it will take you to that particular post - which is almost exactly one year ago.)

feet

Hey, have you heard about the new spa treatment that costs - well, not an arm and a leg, but a foot?

You put your feet in a pool of water that is filled with tiny fish, and they nibble the dead skin off your feet.

And you PAY for this!

Gross.

I'm pretty sure the fish would be traumatized if I did that, because I have enormously ticklish feet, and my size 9 feet would be flailing everywhere, like some giant killer monster in their tranquil little pool.

Speaking of feet, my toe still hurts. Thought I'd whine about that a little.

Humility Moment: When I went to my chiropractor and told him I was there for my toe, he looked down at my foot, and said, "Oh yes, that fourth one, eh? It's really swollen or something."

And I said, "Um ... no ... it's the baby toe. My fourth toe always looks like that." (click here if you want to see what he saw)

Oh," he said.

And then we moved on from the fact that my fourth toe is clearly a hideous, misshapen knob, shoved between a perfectly acceptable third toe, and a bruised lump of a baby toe.

And that's my blog post for today.

vacation day #4

Injury:

• Got out of bed, stood beside the bed to stretch sore muscles, back immediately went out. Crud. Chiropractor appointment tomorrow.

We have a new favourite tool. It's a lopper. It lops things. I like it a LOT. I used it last night on that gargantuan juniper bush. It fought back, and so did the hidden rose bush within it.

Today, Spike lopped the living bejeebers out of two cedar trees, another juniper bush and a hedge, which is now about a foot shorter. He did this while hanging off various ladders, precariously placed. No ladder-related injuries. (Still, you probably shouldn't try his ladder methods. I'm pretty sure there are safety films that use Spike as an object lesson.)

I bundled all the branches - I'm pretty good at that now. Also picked up a surprising amount of garbage and dog poop. Good times. Our garage is full of bundled branches and stuffed yard bags. The next "unlimited" garden garbage day may test the good nature of our garbage people.

Injury:

• Both our forearms are covered in scratches, pricks, and rashes from hostile junipers and rose bushes. FYI, if there ever IS an invasion in the north end, I have rose branches that we can use to defend ourselves.

Went to Terra to buy some groundcover and two clematis bushes.

ATTENTION GARDENERS: TERRA HAS A SALE ON!!! 30% OFF PERENNIALS UNTIL APRIL 30!!!

I thought you should know. I almost didn't make it out - no one warned me there was a sale, and I went into shock. Spike brought me back from the brink.

When we got home, I hoed out the grass that was rototilled down the side of the house on Tuesday. Also raked a lot of rocks. Yup. Rocks. Good times. Our driveway was originally a limestone driveway that went from the end of the real driveway, back to the garage door. Over the years, the limestone has crept beyond its bounds, in an obvious, yet sly attempt to take over the yard. It almost worked too. But we're raking it back. We expect to be raking it for the next several months ... or decades.

Also, I went to cut one dead branch out of the lilacs, and discovered an entire dead ... bamboo tree? Is bamboo a tree? Does it grow in Hamilton? I don't know. It was the height of a small tree. The weight of a feather. Hollow stems. Trying to hide and look like a lilac. Almost got away with it. But while I was hoeing grass, I spied it. Lopped it. Bundled it.

Oh yes - found another steel pipe today.

Now we - and by "we" I mean Spike - are watching the game. Hockey, of course. Who's playing - I don't know. All I know is, I randomly chose the New York Rangers to win the Cup, and Spike tells me they're still in. It's a shame that I don't really care.