"All words are symbols that represent unspeakable realities. Which is also why words are magical." (Donald Miller tweet)

Friday, October 16, 2009


Have you seen Vince? Of course you have.

He's one of the most obnoxious characters on TV, in a "can't look away from the horror" kind of way. His sales method is annoyingly aggressive, totally cheesy and a little bit frenetic. All the things I dislike in a salesperson.

I've been known to freeze salespeople in place with just a glance and a cool "no thank you, I'm fine". (Spike says I should be nicer. He's probably right. He goes over and chats with them while I happily browse on my own.)

No one actually admits to liking Vince. No one actually believes his threat of "limited time offer" - it's been going on for months now.

But he's growing on you, isn't he? Watch the commercial enough times, and you'll find yourself waiting for the lamest part. And then you're walking through the grocery store, absent-mindedly reciting the rhythmic "fettucine, linguine, martini, bikini". Next thing you know, you're grudgingly admiring Vince for his inexplicable passion and endurance. You think to yourself, "Ya gotta give the guy credit for ... something."

That's when the walls come down, and the genius is exposed. For Vince's commercial, over-edited and unsophisticated as it is, has been internalized. "Hmmm, it IS good that it opens up like that for easy cleaning ..." "Yes, I DO want more veggies on my pizza!" "My life IS going to be more exciting!"

Until one day, to your personal chagrin, you realize -

"I want a SlapChop for Christmas. With the Graty. Thank you."

(but let's keep that embarrassing secret just between you and me, k?)


Kelly said...

I have the Pampered Chef version of the slap chop. I've used a couple of times. I don't have a "graty" though and that's disappointing. But the CHARM that we got from IKEA that catches the shredded cheese in lovely red container works just fine for us and our nacho's.

Anonymous said...

It's interesting how you claim to freeze people like you do your soups!!

Vince annoys me way too much to buy the slam chop or the sham wow.

Well, actually, I did almost buy the slam chop at the mall the other day. It does sound half decent...unlike Vince.

Sheepdog said...

mmmmm..... nachos....

a.s. said...

I don't need the slam chop. I have a fabulous little doo-hicky that I bought at the plowing match a few years ago and I love it! Use it almost every day.

(Although my kids are absolutely positive that I need the sham wow.)

Meredith said...

"Making America thin again - one slap at a time!"

Kelly said...

I've heard the Sham Wow is a sham. But that couldn't be true ... because they don't lie to us in advertising.

Sheepdog said...

a.s.: I have a sham wow. It's pretty good but it doesn't do well in the washing machine after a few times.

Patti said...

in reference to the "freezing" - nice job, bringing together this post and the last one. you're an observant kind of person, aren't you?

point of clarification - I don't reheat the salespeople for my dining pleasure.


vjc said...

"You're gonna love my nuts ..."?!?? Did he really say that?

Hadn't seen Vince before but you're right, the GRATY starts to look tempting. I have a similar item I've used for years and LOVE it (not the Pampered Chef one either. Apparently I got one before anyone knew what they were). Never tried the onion trick before but may have to give it a shot.

jarod said...

Hahahaha, there's only a few design failures with it though.

Yes, it does have the convenience of chopping your food for you, but the food needs to be of particular ripeness and size. (I've heard this from someone who owns one...can't remeber who)

And for cleaning it does seem easy, if you have a dishwasher. If not you are washing it around sharp ANGLED blades....washing a knife is simple because it is straight, the cleaning motion is simple. However, for the "slap chop" the blades are woven and deep.

As for the graty, it works well for small chunks of SOFT cheese. Hard cheeses won't work well because it requires an awkward rotation, and with a cheese that is too hard might make it unneccessarily difficult. Also, they didn't show you how to clean the graty...my guess is there might be some pockets of future science waiting to happen.

But, I do admit, I would still own them...if only to put on my non-existant mantle. Maybe a picture of them in a nice frame in the dining room. Does that count as "high art"?

Meredith said...

it does count as high art, but not in the sense of "high" you were using ;)

janer said...

I must admit to having been swayed by Vince's...um..."charms" also, though not to the point of actually ordering.
Back when the Sham Wow was running on TV daily, R was way into getting them but I don't know what we'd use them on... I think Vince can be explained by something my Mother used to say. "If you say something with enough confidence, people will believe you." And in Vince's case, there's more than enough and some to spare.

Anonymous said...

True story . . .
Mr. Vince was arrested a couple of years ago for slapping his hooker date. Then, amazingly enough, the Slap Chopper turns up a few months later and who do you think is running the show? That's right, Mr. Vince.
Whoever manuafctuered that marketing program has a bit of twisted humour. I laughed, out loud, but I probably shouldn't have. So sue me!