"All words are symbols that represent unspeakable realities. Which is also why words are magical." (Donald Miller tweet)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

proof positive

The air mattress has been deflated (partly while her boys were sleeping on it, which wasn't actually the plan).

Millhouse has been released from two days in the laundry room.

My freezer now has multiple bagels / English muffins / bread / bran muffins in it. (I may have slightly overestimated my guests' breakfast needs.)

And I have learned something important about myself.

I am not good at Settlers of Catan. Not good at all.



At one point during the game, my Famous-Author-Cousin's son expressed sincere sympathy for me, just sitting there doing nothing, while they all busily built trade routes and cities. I kept staring at the cards in my hand, trying to make sense of the pictures on them. My friends, I am not a pictures kind of person. Words. I need words.

There are no words in Settlers of Catan, so I lost by staring at cards with pictures of sheep on them, and saying, "No, I'm sorry, I don't have any sheep. Oh wait ... um ... just a sec ... yes. Yes, I DO have a sheep ... What was the question?" Her husband politely refrained from rolling his eyes at my ineptitude, but once again, I know I helped him feel good about his choice of cousins many moons ago.

But it was all perfectly acceptable, because (1) it wasn't a game of Monopoly. I don't lose graciously at Monopoly. And (2) three kids decided to call me "Aunt Patti" because it's too complicated to say, "Excuse me, first-cousin-once-removed Patti, your cat is chewing my leg off." And that was rather nice. The Aunt Patti part. Not the maiming.

Plus her daughter helped me squirt ketchup on things in church on Sunday, so that was fun.

But for all of you encouragers who are determined that my Famous-Author-Cousin is not a superior being to me, I offer you this poignant moment that God set up, just to help me explain to you the truth of me in comparison to her.

After they left, I discovered the loveliest of thank you cards, with a perfectly scribed note of gratitude within, sitting gently on top of 4 very classy-looking black slate coasters. They're gorgeous. I suspect she mined the slate herself (or got her brother to - he knows about mines). And then gently etched the coasters with an artistic swirl during the previously-mentioned G20 policy-crafting sessions.

I, on the other hand, finished admiring them and immediately turned around and dumped my entire cup of coffee across the table, over most of my school work, onto two leather chairs, and into the carpet.

I rest my case.

8 comments:

Val said...

I thought maybe your coffee-flinging tendencies might have something to do with the lovely color of the walls and floors in the house :)

You were very gracious not to mention how you bodily escorted me past Millhouse to do some laundry, and how you were given bad advice when starting Settlers. We all agree that Aunt Patti did very well for a first time (I swore I'd never play it again after my first try but it did get much better. :)

Buk Buk, on the other hand, I suspect I will never play...

Mimi said...

Ha! Oh, this made me laugh, not at you but with you. I always buy too much food and plan too many meals when I have house guests and inevitably make an ass of myself one way or another. Seems like you mostly emerged with your dignity intact, though! Congratulations!

D_Morrison said...

I dislike Catan with a passion. I avoid it at all costs. I don't mind Carcasone but only if I must.

I'm also horrible at Catan...there could be a relation to my dislike for Catan and my inability to win? Ya think?

Guinwalla said...

Well I'm VERY jealous now. I mean, Aunt Patti? Where did THAT come from? I thought the boys and I were the only ones who were aloud to call you Aunt Patti. THEY ARE NOT YOUR NEICE AND NEPHEWS! We are the only neice and nephews on the P/M side of the family. All of that has changed now, has it? FINE THEN! I'm just kidding! We are your favourites still, though... right?!!!

Patti said...

e-z there guinwalla.

of course you're still my favs.

all is well.

breathe deeply.... !

:)

Sheepdog said...

haha! Love the maiming remark.

Mimi is polite for not laughing at you. If I'd seen the coffee spill I'd have laughed like mad right in front of you. (but I know you'd do the same :) )

Another good post. Thanks for the smile.

Dave said...

I have a confession or two to make to this post.

1) it is my fault that she even brought settlers. Yes, it was I that, Lo these many years ago - I kind of lost where i was going with that and really have no idea what i am saying here, but anyways, the Darling wife and i introduced your FAC to Settlers in days gone by. We played every night for the week they visited, and they have been hooked ever since.

2) I had nothing to do with mining of anything. MORE proof positive that the FAC can do anything

Patti said...

Cousin Dave!! :)

You know if you sent out a Christmas newsletter I'd blog about you too.

I did hear rumours that you're into Settlers ... I'm more into the capitalistic, greed-based Monopoly.