I know - I KNOW - that quoting ridiculous advertising is only going to encourage them. After all, any publicity is good publicity, right?
But sometimes I just can't take it.
For Mother's Day, Jack the Jeweler confidently proclaimed that the ONLY reason I have never given jewelry to my mom is because it was too expensive. And now that he had lowered his prices (because he loves HIS mom, even if I don't love mine), then there would certainly be no excuse at all.
Love = Jewelry.
Whether she wants it or not.
Today, I heard a dental consultant in one of those interview-style commercials. (Because apparently I'm an idiot who thinks this really is an actual news story.) The product was non-removable teeth. All was fine, until the last question - "What happens when I leave after the procedure?" And the answer - I kid you not - "Your life will be transformed. You will be a completely different person."
I can assure you ... you will not. You will be the SAME person. With new teeth.
No, wait ... you will be a profoundly disappointed person. With new teeth.
Um ... you will be a suddenly litigious person, with the real possibility of being awarded a lot of money, due to false advertising. With new teeth.
And then you will have the funds to prove your love for your mom by buying Jack's jewelry. Because Jack loves HIS mom.
And I'll bet he has non-removable teeth too.