"All words are symbols that represent unspeakable realities. Which is also why words are magical." (Donald Miller tweet)

Monday, November 03, 2014

good for me

If you're been around here for awhile, you may remember this.

It was a tough day for me, that day I got an unexpectedly low grade. Scoff, roll your eyes, whatever. I don't care what anyone else gets. I don't compete with others. I compete with me. And I lost that day. I responded with this. And later won.

But it's several years later now. I'm in a class that I'm loving. I'm learning a great deal from it. But I'm also working like a crazy woman some weeks, and have several extra bits on my plate in addition to full-time work and part-time school.

I can't remember
the last time I cooked a real, full meal,
now that I think of it.

So ... I got a paper back this week. Got a lower grade than I'm used to.

(If I tell you what it is, some of you will judge me for how low it is,
and some of you will judge me for thinking it's a low grade,
so suffice it to say - I'm perfectly capable of judging myself, thanks.)

Got the essay back ... checked inside ... saw the grade ... and paused.


No reaction at all.

No nausea. No gasp. The colour did not drain from my face. Just a mental shrug and a realization that no one in the entire world gives a flying fig except me. And me? I've learned to be kinder to myself.

The whole point of going back to school
was to learn
and to get another degree.

It was not to have a perfect GPA
or to change careers.

I'm learning.
I'm enjoying.
I'm applying.

Good for me. :)


Aunt Pat said...

Yes, good for you Patti.
isn't it a good feeling when something happens and we realize we ARE progressing - at least a little bit, in this growing thing.

old_black said...

Yes, indeed, good for you! I just did a two-day First Aid course and yesterday was the assessment. Not even in the same league as your course, but I was shocked at how anxious I felt about my performance. Getting this stuff into the right perspective is not an easy task for some of us.