Wednesday, May 26, 2010
OK, my bloggy buddies. I have a question for you. Actually I'm posing it in two forms - a poll, over there to the left, where you can vote. And this post, in which you can comment with your own thoughts.
And the fact that my entertaining and informative blog has improved your life in a myriad of ways - I don't want that fact to influence you at all. I want you to be completely objective. Because I love you, and you love me, and I live for your approval.
Recently, Spike bought a sewing kit at Walmart. It is pictured above. It has needles and thread and scissors and a measuring tape and a few buttons, and ... a pompom.
A pompom?? Why on earth is a pompom in a sewing kit? This is the question that has been uppermost in our minds lately. I give you three theories.
First - Spike's theory. He believes that the pompom has been placed there for a "clown posse". I think that's quite plausible. Clowns have sewing needs, and who is out there catering to those needs? Walmart, that's who. Spike suggested that when the pompom falls off the back of a clown's ankle sock - and let's face it, pompoms never stay firmly attached to one's ankle socks - this little sewing kit saves the day. Who knows how many times a clown in distress has been rescued from certain disaster in the nick of time by this little fuzzy sphere?
Second - Kelso's theory. (We have a friend who at one time in his life had distinctly Kelso-like hair, and so we're trying out that nickname to see if it sticks.) Anyway, Kelso's theory is that the pompom is for storing needles, in case you are using this tiny little sewing kit for massive, multiple projects all at once, using different colours of thread. Rather than re-threading the needle each time, one just sticks the needle with pink thread into the pompom, so that one can use another needle with green thread. My objection to this theory is that the pompom is much smaller, fluffier, and softer than your standard pincushion. It would give a false sense of security, as the needles would simply fall out, or poke through to the other side, gleefully jabbing your thumb. Also, there is already a little needle holder in the kit, as you can clearly see.
At this point, you are realizing that you will never get back the 5 minutes you are using to read this post, so I will hasten to the end.
Third - my theory. It's obviously the most logical one. Walmart being the questionably evil multi-national corporate giant that they are, all of their products are exploitive of cheap labour markets, using poorly constructed materials. Their entire purpose is to make as much profit as possible. And so, in a bid to catch the eye of the consumer, they looked around the warehouse where the sewing kits were being assembled , and said, "Hey, a bin of leftover pompoms! Throw those in there - it'll make the kit look fuller and more colourful, and then we can charge more, while still calling it a rollback."
Some might think this is a ridiculously paranoid conspiracy theory. Well, my friends, stranger things have happened. Just ask Julia Roberts in The Pelican Brief. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there aren't conspiracies out there. And Walmart would be a prime suspect, since their main goal is obviously world domination.
So. That's the question. Consider how much you love me, and then cast your (purely objective) vote.