"All words are symbols that represent unspeakable realities. Which is also why words are magical." (Donald Miller tweet)

Monday, September 19, 2011

consumer cat

I'm really missing something.

We have a cat. You may be aware of that. If not, click that "crazy cat" label down there on the right. You will laugh, cry and possibly have nightmares.

We have a cat. He is almost 20. He mostly sleeps now, dreaming of murderous moments in years gone by. Recently, he snoozed himself right off the ledge on which he sleeps and woke up at the bottom of the stairs.

We have a cat. He believes he is starving to the point of death every day around 5 AM. Knowing that we would hate to wake up an hour later to his still-warm corpse, he loudly and thoughtfully wails to bring his near-demise to our attention. He does this while sitting in front of his full bowl of food.

So ... we have a cat.

We also have a litter box. A litter mat in front of the box. Two small bowls - one for water, and one for food. To be honest, the water bowl is a plastic frozen-blueberries container, because Millhouse kept dumping the smaller water bowl.

We also have a "fur fighter" that pulls the cat hair off the duvet.

And that's it.

So I have to tell you, I do not comprehend this.

It's called Ren's Pet Depot and I drive past it at ungodly hours when I'm taking Spike to work. Each time I drive by, I groggily wonder to myself WHAT ON EARTH any pet could need that requires a retail outlet of this magnitude. I don't want to alarm you, but I'm pretty sure I saw a back-to-school special on their website.

Obviously, I'm really missing something. All of my cat's earthly belongings could fit in a medium size tote. If you used his litter box AS the tote, you could fit everything in there with room to spare.

I'm concerned he's going to discover how neglected and under-serviced he is, and begin wailing at 4 AM. So don't tell him, OK?

Because I'll warn you now - if he wails at 4 AM - I'm phoning YOU.


Berryvox said...

Augh, I can't stand those huge box stores. It's impossible to find anything. Imagine trying to find a specific brand of dog bone. You'll be wandering the aisles for an hour. And the employees don't always know where things are either.

D_Morrison said...

Your secret's safe with me.