"All words are symbols that represent unspeakable realities. Which is also why words are magical." (Donald Miller tweet)

Friday, March 25, 2011

breakfast hardware, follow-up

Remember this?

Of course you do. I know you've been anxiously awaiting a follow-up. It's all you've been thinking about. So many questions ... Did Patti really break a tooth? (no - literary license and all) Does the high-fiber claim on my oatmeal's nutritional chart include a screwnail? Does that also add to my iron intake? And was it a Philips or a Robertson?

It was a tiny Philips screw, for the record. And before you jump in and let me know that that is exactly the kind of screwnail you need for your current tiny renovation project ... I'm sorry, but you can't have it.

Here's why. Last week, I received a very friendly call from someone at Quaker Oats. They were perturbed at my discovery of hardware in my breakfast. They felt badly about that. They said they were sorry. They wondered if I would be so kind as to send them the offending item, so they could analyze it. She said they actually have metal detectors in the plant, so "this sort of thing" really shouldn't happen.

Metal detectors. Who knew?

So today I received a package in the mail.

Spike helped me open it. We were all a-tremble.

Inside was a massive, postage-paid, bubble-lined self-addressed envelope. I'm pretty sure my tiny screwnail is gonna get lost inside. I'll maybe put it in a little baggie.

No, Spike wasn't stoned. He blinked.

And also inside ...

... $20 for Quaker Oats products!

I can get ANY Quaker product (excluding individual bars, individual cookies and trial size cereals) ... ANY Gatorade Thirst Quencher Product ... ANY Aunt Jemima Pancake and Waffle Mix or Syrup (but not maple syrup pie) ... or ANY Rice-A-Roni Rice Product.

It's pretty exciting.

But I think I'm just gonna send them the screwnail for analysis (or more likely, give them the evidence so I can't sue them), buy a year's worth of oatmeal, and get on with my life.

Justice has been served.


Brian said...

I'm trying to resist references to the screw for the record. But I think by accepting the coupons and sending the screw you have just settled out of court. Not a bad deal without any lawyers. $20 is all you might get out of it if you did involve them. :-p

Patti said...

I've been trying to exercise the same resistance. ;)

$20 worth of oatmeal ... that's free breakfast for a year!

Jack said...

I like you're thinking. Free breakfast. That doesn't happen to often :) Success!

vjc said...

What do they plan to analyze it for? Fingerprints? Blood stains? Fragments of tooth enamel? And does this happen often enough that it merits the expense of putting metal detectors in the plant? And that the envelope needs to be that big?

Now I have even more questions than before!

Randy said...

As long is it's not free lunch for the year. My whole philosophy of life is based around "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.", and this would just mess me up.