"All words are symbols that represent unspeakable realities. Which is also why words are magical." (Donald Miller tweet)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

outhouse vs plumbing

Friday night activity-of-the-month - watching Shark Tank.

I'm not sure what the attraction is, since most reality TV annoys me. I think it's that this guy reminds me - a lot - of a good friend. Except he might be slightly nicer than my friend, I'm not sure. This guy, I could do without - he's the kind of character that makes most reality TV annoying, as mentioned before. Unnecessary nastiness. Of course, it probably IS necessary to make the show work, and now that I've just read his bio, I like him a little bit more.

Anyway - last night's episode introduced The CityKitty.

I'm sure it's a great product. It's fun. It makes you smile. It's reasonably-priced. But one of the Sharks asked - what happens when the cat drowns? Everyone scoffed. The Shark persisted - does the cat ever fall in? The CityKitty creator was confident - that does not happen. Ever. That would never happen.

I beg to differ.

Millhouse falls. Always has. When he was a kitten, he could run around upside down underneath the couch (holding onto the lining) with no problem at all. But when he made the leap to a low window sill that was at least 8" in width - he missed repeatedly. And when he did finally land on there - he'd calmly walk along it and randomly fall off. Then look around furtively, give himself a shake, and pretend nothing happened.

When he was an older kitten, he'd walk on the ledge around the stairs to the basement. It was nice and wide. I cannot tell you how many times we heard scrabbling claws, a quick screech, and then the thud of a soft body landing at the bottom of the stairs. Look around furtively, give himself a shake, and pretend nothing happened.

The best was when we had an oversized tub with a nice ledge all around it. Mill liked to take a run through the bathroom, hurl himself through the air and land on the ledge. Until he tried it one day, not realizing that the tub had just been filled for a human occupant. Which meant the ledge was wet. It all happened so fast, there wasn't even the sound of scrabbling claws before his entire body slid into a tub full of water, and just as quickly leapt from it, straight into the air and onto the ground where he looked around in amazed bewilderment, gave himself a shake, and pretended nothing had happened. Which was tricky, since he was completely soaked. Licked himself obsessively for the next 2 1/2 days.

This cat found that he could not jump onto the bed when we got a pillowtop mattress. He wakes us up several times a night so one of us can reach down, grab him by the scruff of the neck and fling him onto the bed. Don't indulge him, you say? Mmmhmmm, thank you for that thought. Here's the problem - he can't jump. But he can wail. Endlessly. And he will. It's not worth the fight.

So, much as I'm sure the CityKitty works for normal cats who leap happily from countertop to fridgetop to treetop, I think I'll take a pass. Mill has spent 19 years using his feline outhouse, and it will do just fine for his remaining days.


Majid Ali said...
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Derbecker said...

As one who frequently makes errors, gives himself a shake, looks around, hopes nobody noticed and acts as if nothing happened, I deeply respect your kitty.

Patti said...

I'm quite sure that particular response to Millhouse is a first. Nicely done.

Heather F (Miss Heather) said...

I seriously laughed out loud when reading the tub scene... I can sooo picture that!

I have seen similar toilet training for cats on youtube... even thought if I ever get another kitten, I might try it. Beats always having to change the kitty litter every week & often wishing they could clean their own toilet!