in defense of fruit

I received a most useful gift for Christmas this year. Actually, it was given to Spike, but he immediately re-gifted it to me.




It's a Banana Guard. Because bananas are weak and defenseless fruits that bruise easily, and so they need a hard plastic guard to protect them from the ravages of any other foods that might be in your lunch bag.

Spike doesn't eat bananas.

Not ever.

Except once, when he ate some banana by mistake. It was in my banana split sundae, and I truly believed it was an ice-cream covered strawberry when I gave it to him. I was wrong. And he went running for a sink to spit into, yelling "BANANABANANABANANA" in horror.

It was exceptionally, hilariously, tears-running-down-your-face funny, from my viewpoint.

So, except for that one time, Spike doesn't eat bananas. He doesn't like the texture. It doesn't matter that people who love him tell him they are good for him. He doesn't care. He stares back, immovable, and states flatly, "I don't eat bananas."

And so, the Banana Guard was tossed across our living room to me on Christmas morning.




I of course, being a person who consumes bananas daily, was OK with it. There will never be a shortage of potassium in my bloodwork. I am potassium-ed to the limit, due to my banana-a-day policy.

Others have a policy of an apple-a-day. I'm not so much a fan of apples, unless they're in apple pie or apple crisp or apple sauce. Sometimes I eat apples, because I should. But I don't enjoy them nearly as much as bananas. Or grapes! Mmmm....grapes.

Sadly, I am no longer in possession of the Banana Guard. I phoned my sister to tell her about it, and she marveled at the technological wonder of an invention that would guard her banana so zealously. I had forgotten that while I will eat a banana in almost any old condition, she minutely examines bananas for any sign of bruising. If she finds the tiniest little bruise - even a suspicious-looking shadow - she won't eat it. She doesn't bring bananas in her lunchbag, specifically because they get beaten up by the mean-spirited ham sandwiches.

So...in the spirit of Christmas generosity...I re-gifted my Banana Guard to her. It was a real pain to wrap, I'll tell you that.

But the smile on her face made it all worthwhile.

patriotic socks and the TSO

What I'm about to say may shock you. It's certainly throwing me a bit, to imagine this statement coming out of my own mouth, but I've said it, and I won't take it back, despite the appalling lack of patriotism that is revealed.

Let me explain.

This afternoon, we went to see the Trans Siberian Orchestra, at the Air Canada Centre. Oh my. What a show.

The music ... the lights ... the pyro ... the passion ... the creativity. Our socks were knocked off, as one reviewer promised.

This, my friends, is what the classical composers surely felt when they wrote their symphonies. Not the tightly controlled groupings, sitting in perfect semi-circular rows, with not an ounce of emotion to be seen, polished and pure. No, no.

This was raw passion, powerful and crashing, unrestrained ferocity sweeping through musicians who ran and leaped and hurled themselves from one place to another while they played with abandon. You wondered wildly if the music, which had swelled to become a living entity greater than any of the participants, would continue, even if they did not. How could anyone stay in their seat, observing this all-encompassing spectacle of sound and lights with calm detachment?

Which brings me to my shocking statement.

Because it appears that, in Canada, we are quite capable of staying reserved and calm, even when it is unnecessary. The crowd in the ACC tonight applauded politely, for a proper amount of time, nodding earnestly every now and then. We should have been on our feet, roaring with delight, laughing as the music swept over us.

And so...I must tell you... I certainly WILL see the Trans Siberian Orchestra again. But when I do - it may not be in Canada, where dignity is a highly-rated virtue. It may just be in a southern land where passionate performances are loudly cheered, where the whole crowd joins in the exhilaration.

And when it is over, I will put my socks neatly back on my feet, breathe deeply, and return to my beloved homeland with patriotic dignity.

December 24

Merry

Christmas

to All!!

bacon

Remember this?

This year's blogging seems to have had more than its share of ranting, what with all the insanity in the world and all. But Michael McCain, and Maple Leaf Foods, have gained my unending admiration. The way they walked through their crisis, taking full responsibility, offering heartfelt apologies, and FIXING the problem - well, it's pretty much unheard of, and I for one, have decided to shout it from the rooftops one more time in 2008.

THIS IS THE KIND OF BEHAVIOUR THAT GAINS THE RESPECT AND LOYALTY OF CUSTOMERS!!!!

(and of voters - I think that's a reasonable extension of logic, don't you?)

This week, I noticed that MLF were back on the shelf, and deliberately bought their brand of bacon. And, this week (after buying the bacon), I opened my mailbox to find a letter of thanks from Michael McCain and Company, for my letter of support a few months ago. AND a coupon for $3 off anything my little heart desires.

Which is probably going to be ... more bacon! :)

storm-agedon

Well...guess where I am again?



Here's your first clue - right here.



And here's your second clue - right here.



And if you'd rather just go straight to the answer, and skip the clues, here it is....



We are at my parents' place. Again. Because once again, we cannot get home. Our tiny little urban street doesn't get plowed, and when we tried to get home early this afternoon, there was already a car stuck on it, as well as cars stuck on the tiny little streets on either side. Nowhere to park downtown in a snowstorm.



So...up the mountain we came, and I hiked the last block to Mom & Dad's while Spike waited in the car for the guy in front of him to get un-stuck.

Then, almost immediately, we got an SOS from my sister, who had abandoned her car downtown, took a bus up the mountain, and then the bus got stuck, and she was walking towards Mom & Dad's. So we went out and picked her up, and now we're all here, waiting out the storm.

Good times!

gingersnaps

Oh good golly.



Yesterday, I made my annual batch of gingersnaps for Christmas. The recipe is from an unassuming little paperback cookbook that is not endorsed by ANY famous bakers, and has no pictures at all. If you happened to glance at the recipe, you'd think - "Who wants to make THAT??!!!"



But, oh my darlings....they are sooooo good. They are best when they are hot out of the oven. As they cool, they get crispier - still good - but not as heavenly as when they're melt-in-your-mouth warm.



And so I have a problem. I ate ... a number of them ... straight out of the oven. Just popped 'em right into my little mouth. Which means I'm a little short on my Christmas baking. Fortunately the rest of my family more than makes up for that, so it's OK. I may just eat a few more before Christmas.



Meanwhile - perhaps you'd like the recipe. You know, so you can make them, and then rush right over here to bring me some while they're still warm.



3/4 c unsalted butter

3/4 c sugar

1/2 c unsulphured molasses (what is "unsulphured"? i don't know. there's only one kind of molasses in my store. it says nothing at all about sulphur.)

1 egg

2 1/4 c flour

1 1/2 tsps baking soda

1 tsp cinnamon

1/ tsp ginger

1/4 tsp salt

1/8 tsp cloves



First - cream butter and sugar together in bowl until light and fluffy. Add molasses (this takes a while - you might want to have a nap while the molasses makes its way into the bowl) and egg; mix well.



Second - Sift flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, salt and cloves into butter mixture; mix thoroughly. Place in freezer for 1 hour or fridge for 2 hours.



Third - preheat oven to 375 degrees.



Fourth - Form dough into 1-inch balls; roll in granulated sugar. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes.



Mmmmm.

watching for heroes

So, apparently the PM used the word "depression" in the last day or two. As in - "no, we are not heading towards another depression". Which translates into the headline - "PM TALKS ABOUT DEPRESSION!"

Cue the mass panic.

Note to Self: Don't talk, ever, if you happen to be the PM.

So - the economy is struggling. Things are a little tough. (Not impossibly horrendous.) Things may get worse in the next year.

Here's what I'm going to do. I'm watching for heroes.

Heroes need a challenge, a crisis, some way to be helpful. They disappear in good times - no one needs them. But in tough times - there's all kinds of space for everyday people to become heroes. Heroes (not be confused with Oreos) are going to start popping up all over the place, you'll see.

And me? Well, someone always profits in tough times. I intend to be that person, and here's how I'm going to do it.

Heroes in this day and age can't go it alone. They need capes, masks, secret identities. Someone has to put the light bulbs into their signal beacons. Every Batman needs his Albert. So I'm starting Albert, Inc., your Hero Support Network.

Need some help finding your unique space? Our Legal experts can copyright your character, reserving the rights to all of your movie and action figure possibilities. Cape looking a little frayed? Our new fabrics are a special blend of laser-stitched cotton balls and fire-proof leaves. Technology outdated? Our IT department can bring you up to holographic, next-generation snuff faster than the speed of light.

You get all the fun and all the credit, for a reasonable fee, of course.

If this is you - just shine the Running Pastor beacon into the night sky. We'll be there.

OAC. While supplies last. Not all products available at all locations. Capes may cause choking in rare situations. See dealer for details.

in the mood

I knew it would hit sometime.

Yesterday definitely was NOT the day. Yesterday was for watching Extreme Home Makeover (I'm not crying - got some dust in my eye) and Oliver Twist (I'm not crying - it's a dusty house). Yesterday was totally wrong for it. However, with only a few more days of vacation, I was starting to be concerned that it was not going to hit at all.

But as I woke up this morning, I knew it was there. Before I even opened my eyes, I sensed its presence. The Christmas mood.

It's what gives me the motivation and the energy to get ready for Christmas. Our gift-shopping is just about done, and what isn't done shouldn't be difficult. But the baking - nope. Cleaning - nope. Decorating - Spike put up a string of lights outside to placate the neighbours, but inside? Nope.

So, today is the day. As soon as I finish checking emails, reading blogs, reading the newspaper and drinking my second coffee ... I will kick into high gear. Or second gear. I will stand up at least.

Tomorrow is our last available shopping day, so I have to have a final list ready for then, because I am not visiting any stores after tomorrow.

Wednesday is an outa-town Blissed gig, where I will be exercising my exceptional talents of schlepping merch.

Thursday, back to work, ready or not.

So. It has hit. Just in time, too. This is one dusty house.

Gotta go!

thespian relations

It's good to have family that are in the business.

The theatre business, I mean.

And it's Spike's side of the family, not mine. My side are storytellers, Monopoly players, Turtle-eaters, but we are not actors.

If it wasn't for Spike and his family, I would be woefully unaware of the world of theatre. The Mirvish productions might intrude on my consciousness from time to time, but I probably wouldn't go. Anything else would exist in a world for other people, theatre-going people, people that wear pashminas and drink fine wine.

Fortunately, almost 17 years ago, I married a guy whose family is in the business. Which is greatly enhancing our lives this month.

Tomorrow, we are going here. We will be the weird-looking child-free adults at a children's play, but don't worry. We aren't weird. We are child-like. We like Charlie Brown. And we couldn't resist the opportunity to see my SIL playing Lucy.

In the interest of discretion, I'm not going to comment on the appropriateness of that role for my very wonderful SIL. But Spike might have something to say about it.

Later this week, we are going to see this. Yes, I overcame my booger-launching status of a few weeks ago, and have been graciously given one more opportunity to see my BIL in 2000 Candles. Yay!

We're thinking about going to see this at some point, but I don't know if we're going to get there. The reason we're thinking of it, is that the writer of that show also wrote Blue, which we went to see last spring.

And last but not least, we're almost certainly going to see these guys on Boxing Day. No relation to any of them. No deals on tickets. But a most excellent Christmas gift, nonetheless!!

dampening your Christmas spirit

I do follow other blogs, including Rick's. He's a doodler - gifted in the arts. With a warped sense of humour. For which I have a great appreciation.

:)

Have a great weekend!

dfp's

Three posts in a row on the same topic - that is unprecedented on this space. Three angry posts on a topic that actually matters - well, I never thought I'd see the day.

That's enough of that! No more deep thinking! I'm on vacation now.

Last night after practice, I was getting ready to go home. Enjoying my empty email inbox - that's right, EMPTY - and my clean desk. I put on my coat and scarf, and went to find Spike. Somewhere in there - BAM! I was hit by a craving for deep fried pickles.

I ignored it. Pushed it down. Rolled my eyes at it. It's what I do. I am far too sensible to pay attention to cravings for deep fried pickles late at night. Think of the insanely wrong rumours that would start, for one thing.

They say a craving only lasts 3 minutes, and if you can ignore it for that long, it will go away.

I really don't think "they" are right.

The craving got stronger. Burn-your-tongue hot, tangy dill pickle spears in a light, crispy batter, dipped in creamy ranch sauce. The hot vs. cold, spicy dill vs. rich ranch battle that ensues in your mouth is just ... well, there's nothing quite like it.

And then I realized I was on vacation. I am allowed to do very silly things on vacation. So I mentioned it to Spike - who of course, thought he had died and gone to heaven - deep fried food? late at night? He's in, baby!

They ... were ... perfect!!!

cooler head

Anger ... subsiding ... rage ... dwindling ...

Just from a sheer lack of energy, I'm becoming calmer. My rants have become repetitive, and therefore, boring. Don't get me wrong - I haven't changed my mind. But I'm moving into my mode of analyzing from afar.

After reading scads of angry, grandiose, self-righteous, name-calling, smug comments on news articles, facebook pages and blogs - from all sides, by the way - I've been considering my own perspective. (I've also been considering the sad state of spelling and grammar in our lovely nation, but that's another story.)

Which raises a question.

If one of the parties in the coalition was a party I had voted for in the last election (there's a revealing statement!) - would I be as angry and upset as I am now?

In other words - am I mad at the principle of the thing, or am I mad that I'm not getting my way?

Here's what I've come up with so far. I'm probably a bit of an idealist, so if you're not, you will likely find this amusing.

• I believe that the spirit of our electoral system is to give power based on whom people "did" vote for, not for whom they "didn't". So the whole "60% didn't vote for Harper" thing doesn't really matter to me.
• I believe the first-past-the-post system is flawed, yes. But it's the system we have. I don't agree with changing results because one didn't like the system that got us there.
• I believe that numbers are mostly meaningless, because they can be twisted and used to say anything that anyone wants them to say. Madly, each party seems to believe that they had a majority of the popular vote - or at least a majority of people who meant to vote for them.
• I believe that my one vote should count for what it is - no more, no less. If we had an election with different results, I might not be happy about it, but I would respect it.
• And...truth be told...I don't think I trust any of them. No news there.

So, when I strip away the emotion of it all, here's the opinion which remains.

I know that this is not an illegal coup. I know the constitution allows for it. But there are two things I cannot get past:

• I cannot get past making a formal alliance with the Bloc.
• I cannot get past having a prime minister who has already resigned the leadership of his party, soon to be replaced with someone on whom we never even had a chance to vote.

At this point, my understanding is that there are only three options, and the Governor-General holds our fate in her hands. (No pressure there. Suddenly I find my own job much easier!)

• She can prorogue the government. (Notice that I've increased my word power this week!)
• She can give the coalition a chance to govern.
• She can call an election.

I vote for an election. If two or three parties are willing to run as a coalition, and they are voted in as a coalition, then so be it. But whatever the results - I would beg (rather cynically, I must confess) that all parties accept the results, have a cookie and a nap, and get back to work.

See? That's the power of breathing deeply.

deep breaths

OK.

I spent most of yesterday, and a good part of the day before, as a furiously raging lunatic.

I'm breathing deeply now. Spike is begging me not to watch the news today.

I just want to clarify - I am not against coalitions in general. I think they sound like a really good alternative system of government. But not this way. Not when it means that our PM is someone we didn't even elect; someone who has already announced that they are leaving the party in the next couple of months; and certainly not when it becomes a formal alliance with a separatist party. (I know they say it isn't, but he was at the table in the press conference, and his support is necessary, so that's just semantics, in my opinion.) And for further clarification - I'm angry with them all, Harper too, for pushing their own agendas, and each others' buttons. I feel entirely abandoned and ignored by my government.

And yes, I've written them all, and the Governor-General twice.

However. It's probably going to be impossible to follow my own rule of "playing nice" on this blog if I continue my tirades all week. And I don't want to sink to that level!!!

You and I are better than that, right? Yes. Yes we are. We are not furiously raging lunatics. We are sensible adults, fully capable of getting along with others.

So for today - deep breaths.

Breathe in ... hold it ... breathe out. Let it all go.

In ... and wait .... and out.

It's not working yet. But it will.